What is happening to me? I am very ill but don't know what is wrong. I keep thinking that I need to get out of bed but don't have the strength. Then at other times I think I should just go home. My thoughts are random and confused. Doctors come in and out and my family is here to help me. I really need to use the bathroom but they won't let me out of bed.
I keep trying to get my cell phone from my daughter. The hospital staff told me that I couldn't have it because it might get stolen, then I think my phone was stolen by hospital staff but found in Houston and returned. They still wouldn't let me have my phone. I didn't realize that I didn't even have the strength to push the buttons on the phone. I am confused and don't know what is real and what is imagined.
I remember thinking I needed to go home so I got out of bed. The bed was tall and I fell getting out. There was an office with a computer nearby so I decided to use the computer to do a bit of work. I woke up on the floor with a small dog barking at me. The nursing assistant said she was glad the dog found me or she would have been in deep shit. The nurses put me back in bed but they were mad at me so they put a new trache in and jammed it down my throat. One nurse told the other to keep pushing on the tube even though they were having a hard time getting it down my throat. I thought they were punishing me because they were mad at me and they moved me to another city during the night without telling my family. The next morning my husband had to drive over 300 miles to find me.
All of this sounds terrible and as I reflect back thinking rationally I am certain that all didn't really happen. But that is what was going on in my mind. Of course I could not speak with the trache in and kept trying to pull it out. Why am I connected to all these tubes I wondered.
Most of my memories were probably hallucinations rather than memories but I had no way of knowing what was real from what was imagined.
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